Dirty Ears and Clear Boundaries

Why Saying No Matters for Your Well-being

The other day, my son asked if he could borrow my AirPods because his weren’t charging properly, and I had asked him to walk the dog.

The brief conversation went something like this…   

“Can I borrow your AirPods, Mum?”

“No, sorry.”

“Why not?”

“Because if your own AirPods are anything to go by, they are indicative of your filthy ears, which I have been asking you to clean for the last 3 weeks.”

“Well, I will clean them then…”

“Still no – sorry.”

“Why?”

“Because the thought of my AirPods being up close and intimate with the insides of your ears makes me feel a bit queasy…”

“That’s pathetic!”

“Sorry. I would rather be perceived as pathetic than have my pods anywhere near your lugs..”

This, my friends, is called a boundary.

What Healthy Boundaries Really Look Like

It’s about being clear about what’s really important to you—and being brave enough to say no when that personal boundary is crossed.

And yet…so many of us are neither clear about what is important, nor about saying No.

So, we continue to work all hours, regularly sacrificing time with our family.

We tolerate games played by our team members or colleagues, who are resistant to our promotion or position, and regularly feel that our own ability to influence is lacking.

Here is a truth that took me a while to fully embed for myself:

· You can do anything

· But you can’t do everything

People who succeed are not the ones who say yes to the most things. They are the ones who have the courage to say no.

Not because they’re lazy, but because they know what matters most—and they protect it at all costs.

Why So Many of Us Struggle to Say No

If you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or stretched too thin, it might be time to check your boundaries.

And if you fear holding them, ask yourself whether this is about your own pattern (overplayed empathy or need to please), or something in your workplace culture that discourages healthy boundaries?

Often, it’s both.

The good news is that boundaries are a skill — something you can learn, practise, and strengthen.

Five Steps to Build (and Keep) Clear Boundaries

1. Know What Makes You Queasy (Literally or Metaphorically)

Start by noticing what feels uncomfortable, resentful, or draining, physically or emotionally.

That gut-level discomfort is often your body’s way of saying, “Hey, this crosses a boundary.”

If something makes you flinch, pause, or feel uneasy, it’s time to listen.

“The thought of my AirPods being up close and intimate with the insides of your ears makes me feel a bit queasy.”

Takeaway: If it makes you flinch, pause, or feel uneasy, it’s probably time to set a boundary.

2. Define What Actually Matters to You

Ask yourself:

• What do I need to feel respected?
• What do I need to feel safe?
• What do I need to stay sane?

Your answers shape your personal non-negotiables.

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re values in action.

3. Practice Saying No (Without Guilt)

A boundary isn’t a debate. You don’t need a TED Talk to justify it.

A simple “No, sorry” is enough.

You’re not selfish, you’re self-respecting.

4. Expect Pushback (and Hold the Line)

People may call your boundary unnecessary or overreactive. That’s okay.

It means your boundary is visible and working.

As I told my son: “Sorry. I’d rather be perceived as pathetic than have my pods anywhere near your lugs.”

5. Check If This Is Your Pattern—or Your Culture?

If saying no feels impossible, notice whether that’s your inner pattern or your external environment.

Awareness helps you choose differently—and protect your energy.

Ready to Protect Your Peace?

If this made you laugh, or wince in recognition, it might be time to get real about your boundaries—both at work and at home.

Start small: write down one thing you no longer want to tolerate.

And if you’d like to explore the deeper work of setting healthy emotional boundaries, I’d love to help you do it!

(P.S. Image courtesy of Google—thankfully, not my son’s actual AirPods!)